I've sat down and started this post numerous times but always seemed to get side-tracked in the vortex of house selling and buying each time I begin to write!! I keep reminding myself to breathe and let go of the outcome. I'm better at it now then I was a couple of weeks ago when I was in the midst of so much anxiety I felt like I was ready to fall into a puddle on the floor. I've been struggling with anxiety on and off for the last couple of years. It came out of nowhere when I had to have a root canal done and basically had my first ever panic attack in the dentist's chair and left with my mouth still numb and still in need of a root canal. I'm the person that never understood why people would freak out over what I thought was not something you should really be freaking out over. I have friends and relatives that suffer from anxiety on many different levels. I had been on medication after my husband passed away. Something very mild that made me feel like I could be happy again despite losing my husband and suddenly being a single mom to three young children. After I went off of that medication I was fine until the root canal and then all hell broke loose. It's hard for me to talk about and I haven't said anything before now because I think there's some kind of stigma attached to taking medication and in "blog world" you try to keep it light and happy. It's not always light and happy though and I truly respect bloggers who talk about the bad as well as the good. Bloggers who keep it real.
My doctor and I made the decision that I should go back on medication. If I told you I didn't feel a sense of defeat I'd be lying. It took me so long to get off of the meds I was taking after my husband passed. Unfortunately, the first new medication she put me on made me feel worse. I kept hearing and reading on line that you have to give it time to completely take full effect. I waited and waited for almost 7 weeks and then I couldn't do it anymore. I switched doctors and she found the right medication for me. It's only been a couple of days but I'm already starting to feel like me again. My reality today is that I have a chemical imbalance. It's not just "all in my mind" so to speak. It's real and it's scary as hell. The thoughts that go thru your mind are scary as hell. I knew HAPPY Wendy was in there some place because I would catch glimpses of her every so often and then she was gone. I know this is a hard thing for people to talk about but I wanted to share my experience just in case there is anyone out there experiencing something similar. I'm here for you if you want to talk to someone that will not stand in judgement.
I'm sorry for such a heavy post today. My intention for this post was to give an update on our house situation but I guess I felt the need to share something different and I had to go with it. The house stuff can wait. : )
Many blessings for a beautiful and happy day ~ Wendy
