What an emotional week it's been. I've been finding myself wanting to isolate which is what I do when I have a lot on my mind. No patience for small talk or to listen to people complain about petty things. I've learned that when I want to isolate I take that time to work things out in my head and then I can go back to everyday life. I am getting married in 8 days and I don't even have anything to wear yet. Jim has been so incredibly understanding about everything and knows how distracted I've been. Last nite he kind of showed me some tough love with regard to my sister and our wedding. I really needed it although I'd never admit that to him. : ) I am the type of person that needs to have a clear head otherwise I become mentally exhausted and useless and irritable and lots of other not-so-great things. I fall asleep thinking about Steph and wake up thinking about Steph. I've been working on cards for the street fair this week so that's been keeping my mind busy. It's just this sitting and waiting and not knowing that is making me want to jump out of my skin. Stephanie had a PET scan on Thursday and we won't know anything until probably Tuesday. Yesterday she had a medi-port put in and she starts her chemo on Tuesday. And so it begins . . .
My father has been leaving dimes left and right. I haven't gotten any but Cindy and my mother have. Stephanie got two left on the kitchen counter of their new house. John has let me know that he's here. I got my taps on my head that I haven't gotten in a while now. He's always here when I need him. My two older boys know what's going on with Steph. Connor understands the severity of it. Trevor knows she has cancer and Jim explained that she has the best doctors and is going to the best hospital so he seems okay with everything. When I told him about Steph he hugged me and cried and asked why this always has to happen to OUR family. My heart broke for him. Kids are supposed to learn about death from the loss of their pets, not their grandfathers and their dad.
So it continues to be One Day at a Time here. It continues to be baseball and fishing, homework and practice, birthday parties and what's for dinner. Life goes on ~ whether we're ready to face what it brings or not. Trust and allow.
Many blessings ~ Wendy