It's been a rough couple of days emotionally. I begged God to clear my mind the other day and He did. Ask and it is given. Yesterday morning the phone rang. It was a doctor that my sister used to work for. She called to say how sorry she was to hear about Stephanie and that everyone at work was so upset. Then I got another call from someone saying they were sorry about Steph. I hung up the phone and went right back to where I was before my conversation with God. I decided I wasn't going to answer the phone anymore if I didn't know who was calling. I can only take so much. So after crying for most of the morning, I had to go and find something to wear to my wedding on Sunday. Yes, I did finally find something that I like at Boscov's. I asked God to send me in the right direction and he steered the car to Boscov's, steered me to the right rack and then steered me to shoes and "suck me in" underwear. Those of you who are on the chubby side or have been in the past know exactly what "suck me in" underwear is and you're probably chuckling to yourself right now. : ) I finished the ensemble off with stockings from Target and now I can check that off of my list of wedding stuff to do.
While I was shopping for stockings my sister was starting her first treatment at Sloan. Kind of puts things into perspective, doesn't it? Her appointment was at 1:45 yesterday afternoon. She didn't begin her treatments until around 6. That's how busy they are. That's how many people are living with this fucking disease. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Rockland County is a hotbed for cancer. Maybe it's a good thing that it's so expensive to live here and people are being forced to go elsewhere. I spoke with Steph today and she sounded very tired. She has to go for another test on Friday. It's just one thing after another. Thank God I'm not a drinker because I'd drink myself into a stupor right now. Remember when we were little kids and didn't have a care in the world? Now I live with this perpetual knot and I can't stand it. I think it's time for another conversation with God.
Many blessings ~ Wendy