Today is my wedding day. My mother just called to wish me a "Happy Valentine's Day." Valentine is going to be my new last name. I'm actually going to be Wendy McDonagh-Valentine because I don't want to have a completely different last name from the boys. Truth be told, I love the name McDonagh. Jim told me I could just be McDonagh still but I feel guilty if I don't take Valentine in some way.
Needless to say, these last couple of weeks leading up to this day have been stressful and anxiety-ridden above and beyond anything I've ever felt before in my life. I got down on my hands and knees the other day and begged God to take the anxiety and sadness and hopelessness and helplessness away from me. I just can't live that way. I was having irregular heart beats and, at one point, almost called the paramedics because it really scared me. I know that it was all stress related. I've never actually had an anxiety attack before but I think that might have been the start of one. The day after that heart to heart with The Big Guy, I woke up with the knot in my stomach gone and haven't had more than a couple of irregular heart beats ever since. I have felt happiness again and have started to be able to laugh again without feeling guilty. This has been a real tough one for me. My incredibly wonderful friends have helped me with this more than they will ever know. I was told that it's okay for me to have a special day for me and that's it's okay for me to feel joy and smile and have laughter without feeling guilty about it. I guess I needed to get permission. Anyone who has been thru this knows exactly what I'm trying to say. So today I am strong and my heart is so full of love and joy for my family and friends and especially for my soon-to-be husband. He is truly a gift from above. I know that John is here and will feel like he has finished what he set out to do for the boys and I. He has found us someone who will love us and take care of us. I thank him all the time and I know he hears me.
My mother also told me this morning that Stephanie worked out this morning and the pain in her side isn't there anymore. She's been getting out of the house and back into life and is looking forward to today. She has been receiving distance healing from my friend Jim and I have been sending her distance healing and did actual reiki on her the other morning. I told her that I'd be coming over every couple of days to give her reiki and she could talk to me about whatever she feels like talking about. I'm a lot cheaper than therapy. : ) She also has friends that are sending her raw fruits and vegetables that they juice for her everyday. Between that and all of the prayers that are being said, we are all here for her and we are all going to make a difference for her.
I picked up several books in B.J.'s yesterday. I was flipping thru one of them and found this wonderful passage that I wanted to share with you. I hope that it is as inspiring to you as it is to me. It's called "Let Your Heart Shine."
You're going through a difficult time right now;
Things have happened that you never expected.
But when you step forward into the unknown, as you
are doing now, you discover beautiful things in your
heart - little miracles and small joys. Sometimes out
of your darkest moments comes your brightest
possibility. In the sudden storm, you may find a
rainbow. Somehow, the wrong road will lead you
to the right place; you'll turn a corner and joy will
come from an unexpected bend in the road. In the
difficult times, you rediscover your own resilient
spirit; you find a strong place inside you you never
knew was there. Sometimes when you step off a
cliff you discover you can fly. You learn that if
you had not cried all those tears you might never
have grown your own beautiful flowers. Sometimes,
in your darkest hour . . .
you see that you can shine.
Since I started typing this the clouds have gone away, the sun has come out and the sky is a brilliant shade of blue. Today is a day to come together and celebrate. Today is a day to join together several families that would not know each other had it not been for the synchronistic ways in which God works. Today is a day for all of us to shine.
Many blessings ~ Wendy