I've been thinking a lot about getting older lately. I turned 47 in January. To type those words is unbelievable to me. Three years away from being 50. How is that even possible when in my mind I'm maybe 21, tops. : ) This is where I insert the ever popular "I wish I knew then what I know now." Truer words were never spoken!!
The beauty of middle age, at least for me, is that I worry less about what other people think. I worry less in general. I worried a lot when I was a child. I'm a thinker. My mind is in perpetual motion. Thankfully I learned pretty early on in my journey that worrying is an incredibly useless thing since it truly changes nothing. NOTHING.
I look in the mirror now and I see the lines on my forehead getting deeper. The smile lines around my eyes don't bother me. They remind me that I've been blessed to be a happy person by nature and I welcome them. The frown lines on my forehead, on the other hand, are a harsh reminder of the pain I've endured in this lifetime. The loss of a husband. The loss of a father. The sadness that certain relationships with people that I love aren't how I would like them to be. These lines also remind me of acceptance. Disbelief, acceptance, moving on. What I consider to be the grieving process in three simple words.
I've had a bit of a tough time thinking about getting older. I've come to the conclusion that it's definitely a control issue. We all have to die someday and there's nothing we can do about that. I recognize that this is a life lesson for me. Something that I've been put on this earth to learn this time around.
While working on this Life Lesson I've re-learned something that I learned years ago but lost sight of. "The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is fear." I first heard this about ten years ago. Probably while watching Oprah. : ) This changed my life in an instant. You either come from a place of fear or you come from a place of love. I've been coming from a place of fear with my thoughts on this whole aging thing. I think it is more of a fear of death for me. Having children will do that to you. Having a baby in my 40's has done this for me. So many "what ifs."
As I sat with my pen, ready to write in my new journal for the first time last night, it popped into my head that I've been coming from a place of fear more often then not. The everyday ups and downs. The fear of whether or not I'm doing what's right for each of my children as individuals. The fear of monetary lack. The list goes on. But then I remembered another pearl of wisdom I learned years ago. The Universe does not respond in a positive way to the negative thoughts and words we put out. It only responds to the positive things. LOVE is positive. FEAR is not. Letting go is the answer. Surrender is the answer.
I wrote about this last night and, this morning, I feel lighter. Like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. A weight that I didn't really even know was there until I felt its release. Amazing Grace. : )
To be continued . . .
Many blessings for a beautiful day filled with love and light ~ Wendy