8.06.2015

Keeping it Real . . .

I've sat down and started this post numerous times but always seemed to get side-tracked in the vortex of house selling and buying each time I begin to write!!  I keep reminding myself to breathe and let go of the outcome.  I'm better at it now then I was a couple of weeks ago when I was in the midst of so much anxiety I felt like I was ready to fall into a puddle on the floor.  I've been struggling with anxiety on and off for the last couple of years.  It came out of nowhere when I had to have a root canal done and basically had my first ever panic attack in the dentist's chair and left with my mouth still numb and still in need of a root canal.  I'm the person that never understood why people would freak out over what I thought was not something you should really be freaking out over.  I have friends and relatives that suffer from anxiety on many different levels.  I had been on medication after my husband passed away.  Something very mild that made me feel like I could be happy again despite losing my husband and suddenly being a single mom to three young children.  After I went off of that medication I was fine until the root canal and then all hell broke loose.  It's hard for me to talk about and I haven't said anything before now because I think there's some kind of stigma attached to taking medication and in "blog world" you try to keep it light and happy.  It's not always light and happy though and I truly respect bloggers who talk about the bad as well as the good.  Bloggers who keep it real.


My doctor and I made the decision that I should go back on medication.  If I told you I didn't feel a sense of defeat I'd be lying.  It took me so long to get off of the meds I was taking after my husband passed.  Unfortunately, the first new medication she put me on made me feel worse.  I kept hearing and reading on line that you have to give it time to completely take full effect.  I waited and waited for almost 7 weeks and then I couldn't do it anymore.  I switched doctors and she found the right medication for me.  It's only been a couple of days but I'm already starting to feel like me again.  My reality today is that I have a chemical imbalance.  It's not just "all in my mind" so to speak.  It's real and it's scary as hell.  The thoughts that go thru your mind are scary as hell.  I knew HAPPY Wendy was in there some place because I would catch glimpses of her every so often and then she was gone.  I know this is a hard thing for people to talk about but I wanted to share my experience just in case there is anyone out there experiencing something similar.  I'm here for you if you want to talk to someone that will not stand in judgement.

I'm sorry for such a heavy post today.  My intention for this post was to give an update on our house situation but I guess I felt the need to share something different and I had to go with it.  The house stuff can wait.  : )


Many blessings for a beautiful and happy day ~ Wendy





9 comments:

Barbara said...

Thank you for this post. I respect you a lot and wish the best for you. I enjoy all of your posts and have been following you for quite a long time now. Keep on Keeping it Real!

susan said...

Recently I was forced to go on blood pressure medication because my numbers were very high. I had never taken medication before (I'm an aspirin girl.) The doctor then told me that none of us can grow old without taking some sort of medication. So, there you go. You are taking something that helps you feel better - bravo to you - you have every right to feel good.
I hope your new medication makes you feel wonderful! xoxo

Jacqui said...

Gentle hugs, Wendy -and thanks for this post. Moving house is a huge deal, and must have brought up some difficult thoughts for you. Just enough to tip that balance again? We flew into Edinburgh last night and I was suddenly very emotional in the taxi, seeing all those familiar places, on my own- it just comes out of nowhere xxx.

mamasmercantile said...

Sending you a hug in your time of need, there is certainly no shame in taking medication that is needed to keep you well, lets hope it continues to make you feel well. Take care.

elizabeth said...

Believe me you are not alone out there!
Sometimes we all need a little chemical help when things get just too much.
How lucky we are to have such things available.
HUGS and all best wishes for your continuing recovery.

sage and spirit said...

Thank you, Wendy, for being so honest and so real. Life is not always happy. Nor is it easy. You have been through so much and yet you are such a strong woman. It's ok to get a little help when you need it, whether it's someone to talk to or medication from the doctor. It certainly is not any measure of defeat and I am proud of you for knowing when it was time to seek outside help.

All my love to you, sweetie. Take care of yourself. The rest can wait. ((Hugs))
xx

Joanna said...

One of the things about root canal is that the words alone strike fear in the hearts of people without ever having stepped foot on the dentist office. It's good that you found that by the time the process was over, you were worrying all about nothing in the end because it was pain free.

Bennie Chandler said...

I was on the same type medication and really did go without for a long time. As great as i felt to finally break free from the hold and the need for the medication, I found that I was living a lie because the pain was too much. I went back like you but today I have learned to balance my life better.

Bennie Chandler @ Pine Creek Dental

Eunice Greer said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and the anxiety that it has triggered. I'm glad to know you're getting the help you need. Dental procedures do not have to be a scary experience. We have seen some of our clients benefit from sedation dentistry with larger procedures such as a root canal.